Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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