erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
