She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
