remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
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