We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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