I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize
