Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
