My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
