kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
