At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
