I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Randomize
