whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
vagina is talking i cant
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
