I need help removing her.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
