it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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