The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
