every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
