i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
He shit in the fireplace
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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