just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
