This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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