I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
