it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Randomize
