I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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