you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
