My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
