Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Randomize
