Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
