he referred to my room as the tit cave...
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
