i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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