Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Buhtt sex?
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Randomize
