I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
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