Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
