I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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