I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
