i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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