I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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