I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
