the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Randomize
