how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
