she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
