In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
