Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
the day after is always just damage control
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
