Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
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