My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
