the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
