Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
that may or may not have been my penis.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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