return my video game
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
