booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
be right there i have to get my cape
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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