Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
