last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
