I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I made him laugh his dick is mine
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
