After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Randomize
