her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
