note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
